Ms. Ann Thrope

( 7:42 PM ) sisoflexx

EVER WONDER...

...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

...why doctors call what they do "practice"?

...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?

...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?

...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for
this one:

On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

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( 7:40 PM ) sisoflexx

My brother has sent me an e-mail telling me my incest joke isn't funny.
Should I believe him ?

Maybe he's mad I'm spreading our personal business ?

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( 7:38 PM ) sisoflexx

Gut Rumbles has moved, I've listed the new link, so just thought I'd warn you.

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( 8:31 PM ) sisoflexx

Fergie,
Duchess of York Wants to Adopt Baby .
The Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson, would like to adopt a baby even if she never remarries, she told Britain's Observer newspaper in an interview published October 26, 2002. Ferguson, formerly married to Prince Andrew, is shown with her daughters Beatrice (L) and Eugenie in Nov. 2001.
( In this picture , her daughters look remarkably like their father.)
No pun intended, I just noticed Beastrice looked alot like her dad, is all.

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( 8:28 PM ) sisoflexx

I hate child molestiallen, so when I perused this tidbit , I felt all was good in the world, just for a milisecond.

"If I had to describe myself in three words, I would say: A Failed Artist," a dead(bed)pan Allen told reporters in Rome, where he is promoting his latest film...

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( 8:23 PM ) sisoflexx

The Georgia Guide Dogs Users Association supports a bill introduced by state Rep. Tom Rice, R-Norcross, that would impose fines of up to $500 for interfering with a working guide dog. "One reason I wanted to start this group is that a couple of years ago in Helen, a chow jumped out of a construction worker's pickup and attacked my Seeing Eye dog," Presley said. "I felt helpless and traumatized, but the police had no law to enforce."

Even where laws exist, enforcement is haphazard. On June 21, Reba Shaw of Marietta arrived in Helen for a weekend stay, accompanied by her guide dog. She walked into a franchise of a national hotel chain and presented her Seeing Eye license, which features a photo of Shaw and Bonnet, her yellow Labrador retriever. "The clerk said, 'No pets allowed,'" she said. "I calmly tried to explain the situation, but it did no good. Finally my significant other called the Helen police, who got the hotel's owner on the phone." According to the police report, the owner stated, "If it's a dog, it's a pet." He refused accommodation to Shaw, who already had reserved a handicapped-access room at the hotel. "The police did not charge him because they were unaware that there is a state law," said Shaw.
Georgia's statute imposes a fine of up to $2,000 or 30 days in jail or both for denying rights to a blind, deaf or disabled person who uses a trained service dog.

I remember a supervisor of mine who trained guide dog puppies, in their beginning stages, having to deal w/ people bugging the dogs, even after asking people politely " leave the damn dog alone ", still they were persistent in " petting the puppy ".
Here it seems like the dogs are being asked to sit in the back of the bus.
No matter what credentials are given, handicapped people are ignored on this subject.
Group supports guide dog rights
"But it's hard for children to understand why they can't pet her. I tell them she's on duty, just like a policeman is on duty."
Presley sometimes gives presentations for schools and youth groups, showing kids what Frisky does and why it's important to leave her alone while she's working.
But even adults don't always get it, she said. They often try to approach Frisky while Presley is eating in a restaurant or riding on public transportation.
"They'll say, 'What do you mean, she's working? She's not doing anything but lying there."

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( 8:05 PM ) sisoflexx

> Another Funny

At first, I thought of Alex, reading this joke. You know, all these "days off" . Then, I scroll down to the bottom of the joke. All of a sudden, it's not a joke ! It's my life !
That's not funny!

A guy works at a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

He worked the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick." The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."

So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"

The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm screwing her."

The boss says, "You screw your sister?"

The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."

No, really! That's not funny!

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( 7:51 PM ) sisoflexx

Today's Funny
Compliments of Marba

While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 10 mph over the limit), I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge.

The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car and asked me, "What's the hurry?"

I replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah, " said the cop, "what do you do?"

I responded, "I'm a rectum stretcher."
The cop said "What... a rectum stretcher, and what does a rectum stretcher do?"

I said, "Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand, then I work until I can get both hands in there and then I slowly stretch it until it's about six foot wide."

The cop asked me, "What the hell do you do with a six foot asshole?"

I simply replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a bridge..."

The ticket-- $95 dollars. The look on his face, PRICELESS!

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( 7:49 PM ) sisoflexx

Lazy day today...

Too lazy, in fact.
All I did was hang up one " corn dolly " accent ( fan from Herefordshire ) my Mum gave me in the kitchen.
I spent all day on the computer playing The Sims, my in-laws are coming over tomorrow, and I'd better get my ass in gear. Or, get up early tomorrow and clean house.
I hope we get a chance to drive further into the mountains this week. The leaves are just now turning, and it would be a shame to miss this opportunity to see them in all their glory. How romantic !
The in-laws ( Judi and Charles ) are going to help us tear down the old corragated plastic down from under the deck, and put new crap up. They're also bringing Basha over, so with sufficient warning, I can throw the cat down in the basement for an hour or so. Basha's a Doberman Pinscher ( ? ), but we're not locking the cat ( Spaz ) for her own protection, it's for Basha's sake.
I know, sounds unreal, but we had an ice storm a few years back, and the power lines were brought down and we were without heat for the weekend. So, we packed up the turtle we had at the time, and Spaz, and our bags and went to Stockbridge, south of Atlanta to survive.
We slapped the cat in our in-laws' basement, then went on to enjoy our weekend in warmth.
The damn cat kept moaning down in the basement, so we had to keep checking up on her, just to shut her up for 10 minutes, and Basha came sniffing around, the cat was at the top of the stairs sniffing around, so we thought it would be a good idea to introduce the two of them.
At the time, it seemed like a good idea. They touched noses, it was so adorable, I wish I had my camera ready, touching noses delicately as they were ! Then, in the same second, Spaz raised her paw with claws extracted, hissed, and brought the Freddie Kruger fantasy down on Basha's snout.
Basha just held her head down in hurt and pain , then turned away, saddened. ( And bleeding .) The cat just stood there on the stairs, hackles raised, looking like Don King ringside. Feckingbitch.
Anyway, Jay's fear is Spaz will revenge herself by shitting behind the couch, but it will be worth it to have Basha up here for a few hours, I think. Hee hee.

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( 7:28 PM ) sisoflexx

I know, as a woman, it's completely un-feministic of me, but I downloaded this fluff a year ago, it's sexy gals, about an inch high, dancing and wiggling on the right hand corner of your screen. I disabled it months ago, because the " girl of the month " walked out, licked her hand, then shoved them down her skimpy panties. I knew Morgan ( age 12 ) would have a field day w/ that, so I disabled it. Which, nicely enough, you can do.
I found out that was the least of my worries a few months later, when I found out Morgan was going onto porno sites himself. ( Even though he was on a minor-guarded address on AOL. Nice.)
Jay and I had a nice long talk about how we'd rather find Playboy magazines under his mattress than him seeing farm animals and sodomy, so we made sure he was cut off from the hypersex net. The girl rubbing her crotch seems so tame by today's standards. ( Sorry, Mum, your grandson's growing up ! SOB ! )
Anyhoo, I just today came across ( heh ) the download again, then thought, hey, I know a couple of my readers ( there is only a couple ) would appreciate this, so I decided to list it.
So, there you go- go see free downloads of VIRTUAGIRL , or pay out the ear for riskier downloads, it's up to you. Hmm.

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( 9:12 AM ) sisoflexx

Okay, now I finally know where Blood Mountain is, thanks to reading Dax'sblog.
It's on the same road I'm off of, Route 60.

Cool.

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( 9:14 PM ) sisoflexx

I told Jay about the cute kitty the next day, and even what I didn't want to imagine :

No, I didn't go back to look and see if it was dead or not. I felt bad about it, but it was pitch black and I didn't have a flashlight. I do regret that with my imagination, I saw the kids coming up their drive to wait for the school bus, only to spot Fluffy squished in the road. Nice.

He said, " You know what ? When I was driving home that morning, I did see a woman and a kid looking at something by the road. The kid stepped away from the roadside as I passed, then in my rearview mirror I saw them go back to looking at whatever it was ."

Great.

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( 9:01 PM ) sisoflexx

Today's Funny

A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.

The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"

"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.

"What's so funny about that?"

"I'm a gynecologist."

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( 8:59 PM ) sisoflexx

I called up my brother just to tell him I loved him and to be careful after I read this :

Last night's shooting was a little close to home for me. It was at My Home Depot. If it weren't for the fact that I went to get a fresh keg, I'd have been at that Home Depot yesterday.

Jay had mentioned Alex is probably crapping himself whenever he's gassing up his car, and I told him Lex doesn't drive, but he's probably doing alot of ducking and weaving waiting at the Metro bus stop. He can wear a walkman and act like he's hip hopping, and not schitzo.
Later Lex told me he does pace at the bus stop.
I worry about Diana and her family too. Three shootings ago was near her home.
That fecker needs to be caught, and soon.
So sad.

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( 10:22 PM ) sisoflexx