Ms. Ann Thrope

( 9:31 AM ) sisoflexx

Teacher Skins Coyote in Class
_{A teacher who found a coyote on the road and skinned it in front of his students � potentially exposing them to rabies � was suspended without pay while two students underwent rabies vaccinations.

North Shore Technical High School carpentry teacher Miles Dowling, an amateur taxidermist, found the coyote on Route 24 in the Bridgewater on March 15 and decided to toss it in his pickup and show students how an animal is skinned, said superintendent Amy O'Malley.

He later brought students outside and skinned the animal, O'Malley said.

"Of course, this was not a school-sanctioned activity."}

What the hell does that have to do with carpentry ?
That's what I want to know.

This archive...

( 9:28 AM ) sisoflexx

The German architect of one of Saddam Hussein's main bunkers in Baghdad said on Friday the Iraqi leader can survive anything short of a direct hit with a nuclear bomb if he stays within its four-feet-thick walls.

"It could withstand the shock wave of a nuclear bomb the size of the Hiroshima one detonating 250 meters away," said Karl Esser, a security consultant who designed the bunker underneath Saddam's main presidential palace in Baghdad.

The palace bunker can accommodate 50 people and has two escape tunnels, one leading 200 meters to the Tigris river.

It was built in 1982 and 1983 by German firm Boswau & Knauer, which merged into what is now the Walter-Bau AG building group.

Esser said he had no qualms about having helped to protect a dictator likened to Hitler.
"It's not just one person getting protection, it's several people, it's the palace staff as well. I just see it as an achievement of bunker technology," said Esser.

ASS !

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( 9:25 AM ) sisoflexx

Internet Fount of Ideas for April Fool's Pranksters

Some examples :
Have a boss who loves his car? Swipe his keys and park the car on a different level in the garage to give him a bit of a scare.
Yeah, then go file for unemployment on April 2nd. Sheesh !

Is the library just a little too quiet? Drop a dollar and when someone bends over to pick it up, tear a piece of cloth behind him, so he thinks he ripped his pants.
Better make sure your target is a wimpy geek.

This archive...

( 9:22 AM ) sisoflexx

Now they're taking the time to give our soldiers a burial ?
Asked about the examination of the bodies now found near Nassiriya, Renuart said: "I can't tell you whether they were former POWs or POWs. I can't tell you whether they were soldiers ...who were killed in that engagement and subsequently buried."
"I can't tell you for sure that they were 507 (Company) soldiers. We have a mortuary affairs team that is on its way to the site," he said. "We will also approach it from the aspect to ensure there were no war crimes committed in their death."
I think if they're burying them, it's to cover up war crimes.
How are families supposed to have peace of mind, even if they fear their loved ones are gone ? Families of MIAs will
have hope their men will turn up.
Alive.
And here bodies are interred and if they're found, it's by chance.
Very Wrong.

This archive...

( 9:20 AM ) sisoflexx

Five die in car bombing.

The United States again pounded Baghdad from the air on Saturday and Iraq hit back with a car bomb attack that killed at least five people at a U.S. military checkpoint in the south.
The car bombing occurred after U.S. troops paused in their charge on Baghdad to strengthen supply lines against hit-and-run attacks by Iraqi militiamen loyal to President Saddam Hussein.

What I think would be a good idea :
Send in those rovers, those bomb disposal robots the police use, except with bombs strapped to them.
Lets see how many get through their check points...

Jay told me the Germans used dogs in WWII, starpped bombs on them, they were trained to get under tanks and blow them up. Morgan said they could use cockroaches ( as in best movie ever ! Fifth Element ), then for some strange reason mentioned elephants. As soon as he said the words he realised how absurd he just sounded and started giggling.
I asked him, " How the hell are you going to sneak in an elephant ? And how are they supposed to wedge themselves under a tank ? "

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( 9:18 AM ) sisoflexx

Reuters | Latest Financial News / Full News Coverage WHO Doctor Who Spotted New Killer Pneumonia Dies
Sat March 29, 2003 07:42 AM ET
GENEVA (Reuters) - The World Health Organization doctor who first identified the fast-spreading pneumonia that has killed 54 people worldwide has himself died of the disease, the U.N. agency said on Saturday.
Carlo Urbani, 46, identified the outbreak of the severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) in a U.S. businessman admitted to hospital in Hanoi, Vietnam, where Urbani was based.
The virus, which has flu-like symptoms, has infected about 1,500 people.
"Because of his early detection of SARS, global surveillance was heightened and many new cases have been identified and isolated before they infected hospital staff," the WHO said in a statement.
WHO Director-General Gro Harlem Brundtland paid tribute to Urbani, who was married with three children.
"His life reminds us again of our true work in public health," she said.

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( 1:10 PM ) sisoflexx

Todays Funnies
Three blondes were walking through the woods when they came upon
a set of tracks.

"Looks like deer tracks", said one blonde.

"No, it looks like maybe a cow track," another blonde
suggested.

"Actually, I think they are just dog tracks," the third blonde
offered.

They were still arguing when the train hit them!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in a million become a human being.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ha ha ha,very funny Scottie....

NOW BEAM DOWN MY CLOTHES!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Little Boy Comes Running Into The Room and Says, "Grandpa!
Grandpa! Can You Make A Sound Like A Frog?"

The Grandpa says, "I Don't Know, Why?"

The Little Boy Says, "Because Grandma Says As Soon As You Croak,
We Can Go To Disneyland!"

This archive...

( 1:04 PM ) sisoflexx

I found this really sweet pic the other day of my Mum in DC during renovation of the memorials.

Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy and patriotic, doesn't it ?

Well, it does to me !

This archive...

( 4:53 PM ) sisoflexx

Todays Funny

A woman and a man were involved in a car accident -- it was a
bad one. Both of their cars were totally demolished, but
amazingly, neither of them were hurt.

After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said, "So,
you're a man -- that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just
look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are
both unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet
and be friends, and live together in peace for the rest of our
days."

The man thoughtfully replied, "I agree with you completely.
This must be a sign from God!"

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't
break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our
good fortune."

Then she handed the bottle to the man. The man nodded his head
in agreement, opened it, and drank half the bottle. He then
handed it back to the woman. The woman took the bottle, and
immediately put the cork back in, and handed it back to the man.

In surprise, he asked, "Aren't you having any?"

"No," the woman replied, "I think I'll just wait for the
police..."

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( 6:19 PM ) sisoflexx

Don't bother looking.
Sad to say, Jet Li has decided to take a break from blogging. Can't say I blame him. I feel that way too often.
But he leads a busy life, unlike me, full of bike trips and beautiful women.
Good luck to him , ( sob ! ) I'll miss the asian fella.

This archive...

( 5:51 PM ) sisoflexx

Here's the latest Gainesville Kitchen inspections -

Not enough funny ones to print, I'm afraid, but the best ones were inspections due to new ownership, bad scores, mold, the lot ! They didn't even bother to spiff the places up ! Ugh.

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( 5:20 PM ) sisoflexx

Todays Funny

My father and mother were recently celebrating their 50th
wedding anniversary. While cutting the cake, my mother was moved
after seeing my father�s eyes fill with tears.

Mother took his arm, and looked at him affectionately. "I never
knew you were so sentimental," she whispered.

"No, no," he said, choking back his tears, "that�s not it at
all. Remember when your father found us in the barn and told me
to either marry you or spend the next 50 years in jail?"

"Yes," my mother replied. "I remember it like yesterday."

"Well," said my father, "today I would have been a free man!"

This archive...

( 5:17 PM ) sisoflexx

Jane Galt has a brilliant thought :
Moore's statements at the Ox-kers gave her an idea for a ditty.

Here's an excerpt :

If you glimpse a large tush
And hear screaming of Bush
Then an animal comes to the fore,
Who is basically pig
But more sweaty and big
You will know you have met with a Moore.

I'm not doing it justice, visit her to get the whole song.

This archive...

( 10:31 PM ) sisoflexx

Marba asked me around 8pm if I was watching the Oscars.
" Oh, they're on tonight ?" I asked.
I'm clueless.
I flipped it on half an hour ago to see the winner of short movie subject with his posse yelling anti-war and Bush crap.
I loved hearing the booing, and wished I knew who they were.
Then Steve Martin came out and said it was great in the back.
" The teamsters are loading Mike Moore into the trunk of a car. "
I'm glad I didn't switch it off before seeing that. I actually laughed out loud.

Thank you, Mr. Martin !

This archive...

( 9:11 PM ) sisoflexx

Well, I finally found a new job. It took 2 weeks, but considering what others are going through, I won't bitch.

_{Too much... I mean, er, at all, of course !}

Seems like a nice enough place, nice people, but I will reserve judgement for at least a few months.
It's about time, though, as my jaw was killing me from trying to suck up to all those bosses.

( Oh, by the way, I got laid off 2 weeks ago.)

This archive...

( 9:07 PM ) sisoflexx

Computer Acronyms:

PCMCIA- People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN- It Still Does Nothing

APPLE- Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

SCSI- System Can't See It

BASIC- Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

IBM- I Blame Microsoft

CD-ROM- Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2- Obsolete Soon, Too.

WWW- World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH- Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System
Hangs

PENTIUM- Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect
Understanding of Mathematics

COBOL- Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

WINDOWS- Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

MICROSOFT- Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only
(for) Fools (&) Teenagers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Help Wanted: Telepath.

You know where to apply.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Great Thinkers of Our Time?

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live
forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would
live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not
live forever."
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over
the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like
that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
-- Mariah Carey

"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the
same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also
discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember
what they are."
-- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with
the law."
-- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations
that he failed to pay his taxes.

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important
part of your life."
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson
for a federal anti-smoking campaign

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my
body."
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime
rates in the country."
-- Former Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
-- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers.
We are the president."
-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed
documents

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
-- Former French President Charles De Gaulle

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a
jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
-- A congressional candidate in Texas

"When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the
riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple:
Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to
blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
-- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on the complex social
issues behind the Los Angeles Riots

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away
from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new
land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for
themselves."
-- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
-- Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the
impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
-- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

"Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the
public mind."
-- General William Westmoreland

"It's like changing the rules in the middle of the stream."
-- Rev. Jesse Jackson

"I don't know of anyone who wants this to be over more than me,
except maybe everyone else in America."
-- President William Jefferson Clinton

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind
is being very wasteful. How true that is."
-- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will
be cut right out from under your feet."
-- Former British foreign minister Ernest Bevin

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

And in 2000, our boy Dan was quoted as saying that the
Republicans would definitely nominate someone this time who
would beat Bill Clinton. Of course the 22nd amendment precludes
Bill from running again...

_From jokesgalore.com

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( 1:39 AM ) sisoflexx

Take a hard earned rest !

This archive...

( 1:36 AM ) sisoflexx

Wow. 7,000 + hits. I think I can stop now.

This archive...

( 5:29 PM ) sisoflexx

What some think but may not have the balls say : Mad World brings up some interesting thoughts on the Smart kidnapping. It's un-politically correct to assume this girl could have done more for herself to get home.
I know at 14 I was an ass ( and still am ) but sometimes parents don't stress enough the bad shit that goes on in the world to help their kids protect themselves. I hated the fact that as soon as my son was old enough to communicate somewhat that I had to tell him about people ( not just men, anyone ) capable of many things.
The whole ' Oprah ' thing was out at the time, showing mothers footage of their young 'uns cheerfully walking off from the playground, hand in hand with a guy to help him look for his puppy while the mother sat deep in conversation with another mother about the great sale at Wal-Mart. The mothers were shocked, they thought they's drilled their kids unmercifully about this dark side of life.
And as even as much as I hated talking to a 3 year old boy about private parts ( while explaining nakedness was nothing to be ashamed of ) and how grown people may want him to touch them there, or touch him there and oh, here too, I never delusioned myself into thinking, " Oh, it could never happen to him, he's been fore-warned, now ."
It can happen to any of us.
I can go on and on about what I'd do, blah blah blah, if I were ever in a situation of abduction, but the truth is, you never know until it happens. You could freeze up, mind blank- but one thing I've never doubted myself on, or always known I would never do, is be removed from that spot. I've told my family this, and explained that even if I get knifed or shot, and die, even, it will be in that parking lot, or mall bathroom, or whatever, I will most likely be found there. Not in a shallow grave in a national forest, or under some asses' crawl space.
And I even had to explain this to a 3 year old boy. Talk about feeling dirty/unclean. But I was telling him what I would tell anyone- do not go. That's the beginning of the end, I feel.

What got me started off on this tirade, besides the link, was something I posted on the comments section :

_{On a lighter note, ( which I should put in my own blog and not clog up your comments, my son in kindergarten had a female police officer ask his class, " What do you do when a stranger grabs you ?"

Some hands go up, and there's Morgan, bouncing in his seat, " Ooh ! Ooh! " hand raised, when she picks him, he yells excitedly, " Kick him in the jewels !"}

I don't know where he got that from....

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( 8:53 AM ) sisoflexx

It's none of my business, people have every right in this great nation of ours to have their own opinions and believe in what they want. I remember stories from my parents, and especially of my Dad, who grew up during the big war, and one of his favorite past times was visiting the cinema and watching his favorite stars for less than a shilling. ( Back in the old days.) There were USO tours to entertain the troops, and people tried to live their daily lives as usual. The folks in London were blitzed every night, and other major cities in the UK were also terrorized. Nations rallied around their troops, and their leaders, morale was instilled. I just don't agree with 'celebrities' using their fame to jam their opinions down our throats. And as for the Oscars, I don't watch it, but all I've heard about defeating terrorism for the past few years is you shouldn't live in fear. Go on with your daily lives as best you can. If we start cancelling shows or stop travelling, etc., 'they' win. Right ?
Okay, maybe the glitz and glamour, flashbulbs popping, the idiocy of it all, is too much in these dark times.
But it was shallow to begin with !
Who gives a fuck what Halle and Nicole are wearing ? What jewels and who they borrowed them from for the night ?
I don't, but obviously someone does. But you have your rights, don't you ? That's what the US Military has been giving you for years, your chance to see your faves tripping on their Vercace gown wearing their million $ smile.
I say don't forget that.
_{( Will )Smith, star of "Men in Black", was scheduled to present an award at the show. He withdrew before the U.S. bombing campaign in Iraq got underway in earnest on Thursday. "He felt uncomfortable in attending and respectfully asked to be excused. There's no agenda, there's no speeches. He just didn't feel personally comfortable in going because of the world situation," said his publicist Stan Rosenfield.}

Yeah, I'm really going to feel the same about his character portrayal in ' Independence Day ' from now on. Or maybe that's going in the bin. I'll think about it.

_{Artists United to Win Without War -- a group of more than 130 celebrities who have campaigned prominently against military action against Iraq -- has produced a special peace sign pin for the event.}

I want to know who they are so I can boycott their movies. Especially the war flicks. Assclowns.

_{Greenwald said he was unaware of any mass move by stars to boycott the ceremony, if it goes ahead. He said celebrities, like other Americans, were struggling to find a balance between life as usual and their personal response to the war.}

Jeebus.

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( 11:34 PM ) sisoflexx

This just in from Werbinox :

It has become a common fallacy since the advent of the Globalist movement that a nation must win support from the United Nations before engaging in any military action. This fallacy has grown to the point that now military action of any kind is percieved as somehow "illegitimate" if it lacks a consensus in the court of world opinion. Putting long term political ramifications aside, the opinion of the world community is relatively insignifigant. The unity of the UN Security Council is of little importance compared to the imperatives of our national self interest.

Before our nation goes to war it must grapple with two major considerations:

1) Is this a Just war?

2) Is it in our national self interest to pursue this war?

One - the war against the Iraqi regime is a Just war.

Why?

The Iraqi state is a totalitarian state: totalitarian states are outlaw states; they treat their own citizens as slaves to be used and disposed of in any way the leadership see's fit. A totalitarian state, as an enemy of individual freedom and human rights, is an illegitimate state, and is therefore not priviledged of the right of self determination due to nations who uphold the rights of its citizens to live lives free of coercion and terror. The United States, a country built upon the principles of freedom and individual rights, is not obligated in any way to recognize the validity of any government that enslaves its own people.

All governments are not equal! A nation that protects and promotes individual freedom is superior to a nation that enslaves and tortures its own people. The right of national self determination does not include a gang of criminals who terrorize and slaughter their own people behind the facade of being a "government". Wether it is an aggressive regime like Nazi Germany, or a contained one like Communist Cuba, does not change the nature of the principle.

We as a nation may decide that it is not in our interest to undertake the task of toppling genocidal and totalitarian regimes such as those in Sudan and North Korea. Yet if we, as a nation built on freedom and individual rights, decide to invade and topple these totalitarian regimes - we are morally justified in doing so!

A FREE NATION MUST SUPPORT FREEDOM ABROAD!

A FREE NATION MUST BE AN IMPLACABLE ENEMY TO ALL TOTALITARIAN REGIMES!

Two) It is in our national self interest to wage this war.

Saddam Hussein is a committed enemy of the United States, as well as our major ally Isreal. He has sought to create a pan arab superpower capable of threatening the United States, and destroying Isreal. To this end he has pursued the creation and acquisition of weapons of mass destruction. The United Nations has demanded that he disarm. For twelve years he has defied the international community, and continues to. He does this because he has No Intention to Disarm! A man like Saddam Hussein does not go quietly into the good night; his pride and self image demands that he exit the world in fire and blood - taking as many others down with him as he can!

We must defeat Saddam now while he is relatively weak, or fight him and / or his chosen successor later when he is stronger and more capable of inflicting severe casualty rates.

Dissent is natural to any free society (and non-existant in Iraq) Many of my fellow citizens will disagree with me that this war is morally justified, and in our national interest. Let us agree that these are the points of debate! Wether or not we have the approval of the UN Security Council is not a major concern.

However, what can be said to those who feel that war, any war, is never justified?

"How are we to ever achieve world peace" they ask "if we defy the process of the United Nations?"

To this there is only one answer.

Peace, in and of itself, can never be our ultimate political goal, only freedom can. Where would our freedom be today if it had never been fought for? History shows us again and again that people must diligently defend their freedom, and often fight for it. America had to fight to gain its independance. Europe had to fight to free itself from Nazi Germany, and then had to maintain its fighting capability to hold back the shadow of Stalinist Communism. Freedom will always require the ability to defend oneself, and to fight the forces that threaten slavery and terror.

Peace means nothing to an oppressed people; it is an impossible concept when freedom is absent. The extent to which we betray our committment to individual human freedom is the extent to which we fail ourselves as a nation and a culture. Only by maintaining this committment do we remain a beacon of light for the world. We must promote, defend, and yes - even fight for the principles of individual freedom. Only then will we achieve any real peace in the world. Only Freedom can be the ultimate political goal of humanity.

Direct your comments to Werbinox

This archive...

( 11:13 PM ) sisoflexx

I have done some crafting over the years,but none like this:

(For all you Martha Stewart want-to-be's.)

How to make bedroom slippers out of maxi pads: (See picture for visual)

You need four maxis' to make a pair. Two of them get laid out flat, for
the foot part. The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top.
Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot
part.
Decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk flowers, etc.

Pad About Slippers
* Soft and Hygienic
* Non-slip grip strips on the soles
* Built in deodorant feature
* Keeps feet smelling fresh
* No more bending over to mop up spills
* Disposable and biodegradable. Environmentally safe
* Three convenient sizes: Regular, Light day and Get out the Sand Bags

Courtesy of Ameena

This archive...

( 6:26 PM ) sisoflexx

I'll Have Two Scoops of Lust, Please .

BERLIN (Reuters) - Catholic church leaders in Germany have responded icily to a range of ice creams named after the seven deadly sins, accusing the makers of trifling with serious matters and courting controversy to boost sales."These sins are serious matters. We cannot support something which advocates turning away from God," said Manfred Nielen, spokesman for the archbishopric of Hamburg

But Ute Sievert, spokeswoman for ice cream makers Langnese, a brand of Anglo-Dutch group Unilever, said the seven flavors of envy, gluttony, greed, lust, pride, sloth and wrath did not endorse mortal sins."Our ice cream has nothing to do with religion. They're just seven great flavors of ice cream," she said.

This archive...

( 6:23 PM ) sisoflexx

HOLLYWOOD (Reuters) - They really said it -- notable quotes from the news:

"We live in the United States of Entertainment. Everything is a show, including a war with Iraq ... People are going to die, so they may cover it very seriously. But the promotion is where the show business comes in. It's the same as the promotion for a stupid reality show."
-- Media critic and former CBS correspondent BERNARD GOLDBERG in The Dallas Morning News.
-- - -- -
"We don't agree but I respect her -- more than she does me ... When I visit Susan, I tread on eggs."
-- LENORA TOMALIN, a conservative supporter of PRESIDENT BUSH, on her relationship with her liberal, anti-war daughter, actress SUSAN SARANDON, quoted in The Washington Post.
-- - -- -
"The whole campaigning thing seems kind of unseemly to me, so I haven't really done that. I hope the work stands on its own, but I fear, like in politics, money wins."
-- MERYL STREEP, a nominee for best supporting actress this year, lamenting the costly marketing campaigns mounted by studios to boost their films' Oscar chances.
-- - -- -
"I said if nobody else will do it, I'll do it. ... I'm 64, and I'm pretty well wiped out anyway. It's a way to go out in a blaze of glory. They said, 'You're not really qualified to do it.' I said, 'Why not?' You just have to hold the microphone and say, 'The bombs are falling.'
-- beleaguered AOL Time Warner shareholder TED TURNER, speaking at a Manhattan media forum, saying he offered to fly to Baghdad to cover the war for CNN.

This archive...

( 5:47 PM ) sisoflexx

Which is more embarrassing ? This moment :

Or " Swept Away ".
?

This archive...

( 5:09 PM ) sisoflexx

Another Funny for today...

The Blonde and the Truck Driver

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up.
She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.
The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are
losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl again catches up again.
She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.
Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again.
All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light.
When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.
He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says..."Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Ohio and I'm driving a SALT TRUCK !"
From Ameena

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( 4:27 PM ) sisoflexx

Honey, I shrank the kid...

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( 4:18 PM ) sisoflexx

I recieved this joke in the mail and for some reason, Acidman popped into my mind. ( I guess since he just spent a trip in debauchery. ) He may not appreciate it, but it's all done in good fun, right Rob ? Rob?

Rob returned from his trip to Key West and is feeling very ill.
He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the
hospital to undergo a series of tests.

Rob wakes up after the tests in a private room at the
hospital and the phone by his bed rings.

"This is your doctor," says the voice on the phone. "We have the
results back from your tests, and I'm sorry, you have an
extremely contagious and deadly sexually transmitted disease
known as G.A.S.H.

"G.A.S.H?" replies Rob. "What the hell is that?"
"It's a combination of gonorrhea, AIDS, syphilis, and herpes,"
explains the doctor.

"My gosh, Doc!" screams Rob in a panic, "what are we going
to do?"

"Well we're going to put you on a diet of pizza, pancakes and
pita bread," says the doctor matter-of-factly.

"Will that cure me?"

"Well no," says the doctor, "but it's the only food that will
fit under the door."

This archive...

( 2:52 PM ) sisoflexx

I believe it was through Vodka Pundit I found a link to Dixie Flatline , from whom I found a link to a Times Online byline on Iraqi torture and murder. I'd never read it before, and it makes you shudder. Ugh.
An excerpt :

�There was a machine designed for shredding plastic. Men were dropped into it and we were again made to watch. Sometimes they went in head first and died quickly. Sometimes they went in feet first and died screaming. It was horrible. I saw 30 people die like this. Their remains would be placed in plastic bags and we were told they would be used as fish food . . . on one occasion, I saw Qusay [President Saddam Hussein�s youngest son] personally supervise these murders.�

For these humanitarian reasons alone, it is essential to liberate the people of Iraq from the regime of Saddam. The 17 UN resolutions passed since 1991 on Iraq include Resolution 688, which calls for an end to repression of Iraqi civilians. It has been ignored. Torture, execution and ethnic-cleansing are everyday life in Saddam�s Iraq.

Were it not for the no-fly zones in the south and north of Iraq � which some people still claim are illegal � the Kurds and the Shia would no doubt still be attacked by Iraqi helicopter gunships.

For more than 20 years, senior Iraqi officials have committed genocide, war crimes and crimes against humanity. This list includes far more than the gassing of 5,000 in Halabja and other villages in 1988. It includes serial war crimes during the Iran-Iraq war; the genocidal Anfal campaign against the Iraqi Kurds in 1987-88; the invasion of Kuwait and the killing of more than 1,000 Kuwaiti civilians; the violent suppression, which I witnessed, of the 1991 Kurdish uprising that led to 30,000 or more civilian deaths; the draining of the Southern Marshes during the 1990s, which ethnically cleansed thousands of Shias; and the summary executions of thousands of political opponents.

Many Iraqis wonder why the world applauded the military intervention that eventually rescued the Cambodians from Pol Pot and the Ugandans from Idi Amin when these took place without UN help. They ask why the world has ignored the crimes against them?

I learn so much from blogging. Thanks to all of you who are more learned than me.
P.S. : That's everybody !

This archive...

( 2:27 PM ) sisoflexx

The Train Ride :

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her dog.

The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. I need that seat."

The French woman looked down her nose at the American, sniffed and said, You Americans.
You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?"

The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.
Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there?". I'm very tired."

The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant....Imagine!"

The American didn't say anything else, he leaned over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.
The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her honor and chastise the American.

An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on
the wrong side of the road...

...And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

From Mabs.

This archive...

( 2:19 PM ) sisoflexx

I'm glad I checked out Mad Bull today. Heh.
He has a link to some juicy pics. Heh heh.

I never watched the show, but I believe he's a great looking guy. Thanks, mon !

This archive...

( 11:13 AM ) sisoflexx

DaGoddess speaks on Amish Technical Support, and I remembered an e-mail I recieved a few years ago :

AMISH VIRUS:

You have just received the Amish Virus.
Since we do not have electricity nor computers, you are on
the honour system. Please delete all of your files.

Thank thee.

This archive...

( 10:31 AM ) sisoflexx

Whenever I hear Spaz messing around, scratching the rug, I look and see her in a passionate embrace with my purse. ( But only if it's leather.) She loves leather, it's like catnip to her except she's not interested in catnip. ( That made sense.) Anyway, after spending 2 hours raking leaves I sat my fat ass out on the deck with my pal Sam Adams, and laid my gloves on a bench. As you can see, the cat knocked one down in her frenzied lust, and she's now raping the other. And those gloves are covered in soot from the furnace, too. Yuck !

I'd hate to see her in that field down the road, those poor cows !

This archive...

( 10:30 AM ) sisoflexx

Too funny for his own good...
On the minus side: cobblestone flooring in the meat aisle. I suppose they wanted that genuine outdoor-market atmosphere, although who�d buy meat in an outdoor market I�ve no idea. I�ll take a pound of lamb, please, and if you could shave off the flies I�d be much obliged. It�s hell on the kids in the cart when you drive over the paving stones, too. Their eyes go in different directions.

Update : my brother informed me 'twas not he that wrote the post -
"RE: The grocery post - that was Lileks, not me..."

My bad ! I should have paid more attention, and should have known Lex is not that funny ! ;o)

This archive...

( 10:21 AM ) sisoflexx

In the mail...
Supposedly,these are 'not' made up. They're hilarious!

These are the actual titles of Country Songs...

1. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In Bed
2. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You
Goodbye
3. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
4. I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?
5. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
6. I Got In At 2 With a 10, And Woke Up At 10 With a 2
7. I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except For Mine
8. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
9. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
10. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
11. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd
Win
12. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonite
13. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
14. I've Got Tears in My Ears From Lying On My Back Crying my
eyes out over you
15. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
16. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
17. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus
18. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss
Him
19. Please Bypass this Heart
20. She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger
21. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

This archive...

( 10:18 AM ) sisoflexx

Todays Funny

Two beggars are sitting on a park bench outside a church on a
Sunday morning. They are both dressed in rags, each is holding a
top hat, the one has a large cross around his neck and the other
a large Star of David. After church, the congregants file out,
each placing money in the hat belonging to the beggar with the
cross while ignoring the beggar with the Star of David. Soon the
hat of the beggar with the cross is overflowing with money while
the other beggar's hat remains empty.

A priest who has been watching this approaches the bench and
says to the beggar with the Star of David around his neck "My
son, surely you realize you are in a Christian country, in a
Christian neighborhood, on a Sunday morning, sitting outside a
church? How can you possibly expect anyone to give you any
money, especially since you are wearing a large Star of David
around your neck?"

On hearing this the beggar with the Star of David around his
neck turns to the other beggar and says "Moshe, can you believe
this priest trying to tell us how to run our business!"

This archive...

( 9:28 AM ) sisoflexx

Todays Funny

Unhappy Birthday

Two weeks ago, was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went into breakfast, knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say "Good Morning," let alone any "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. The children will remember." The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word.

When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered. I worked until noon. About noon, Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go."

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment, we had another martini and smoked a cigarette and she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable." "Sure," I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out...carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends. All were singing Happy Birthday.

... and there on the couch I sat... with nothing on but my socks......

This archive...

( 9:26 AM ) sisoflexx

It was so cold outside, I saw a politician that had his hands in
his OWN pockets.

This archive...

( 11:49 PM ) sisoflexx

Here's a nice pic I took of Larry and Jay today out on the porch.

This archive...

( 11:42 PM ) sisoflexx

Larry ( Jay's dad ) has been here for the weekend, and I have never worked so hard ! Before he got here, I made it a personal cause to finish painting the kitchen cabinets. ( Which I did, just didn't get them put back up.)
And then whilst he was here, put them all up minus one : I'm missing a hinge. Nice.
He got under our kitchen sink and replaced our faucet, which he undertook w/ much profanity, and did a great job on.
Today it was the raking. He did the east lawn, and I stupidly took the west garden. Like he pointed out, the old owner hadn't touched it in 8 years, since his wife passed away. The layers of oak leaves were unbelievable. My arms are noodles. Can't type-love you all...Nite nite !

This archive...

( 11:35 PM ) sisoflexx

Todays Funnies

Great Bumper Stickers:
1) God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
2) I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
3) I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.
4) Keep honking while I reload.
5) Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
6) Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
7) 5 days/week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an
amusement park.
8) EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
9) Your child may be an honor student but you're still an
idiot.
10) If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
11) If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
12) Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
13) My wife complains I never listen to her...or something like
that.
14) Sure you can trust the government! Just ask a Native
American!
15) If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.
16) Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

How to Annoy People at Work

1)Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch
paper, 99 copies.
2)Practice making fax and modem noises.
3)During meetings, disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip
the cartridge across the room.
4)Staple papers in the middle of the page.
5)ALWAYS TYPE WITH CAPS-LOCK ON
6)type only in lower case.
7)dontuseanypunctuationorspaceseither
8)While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a
parakeet.
9)In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual
massage."
10)Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble
their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about
"psychological profiles."

This archive...

( 10:00 AM ) sisoflexx

This one's making the rounds again...
I looked up the old letter in my filing cabinet ( I don't throw anything away ! ) And sent it back to Mabs with
Lex's response from a year ago.

Marba, you sent me this exact same letter a year ago ! Here's a copy !

Subj: Re: Can this work?
Date: 4/15/2002 6:10:46 AM Eastern Daylight Time
From: lexgibson@****
To:****
Sent from the Internet (Details)

Nope. Not at all. If you want to know why, ask Megan.

http://www.janegalt.net/2002_04_07_janegalt_archive.html#75138197

----- Original Message -----
From:
To: ****
Sent: Monday, April 15, 2002 5:54 AM
Subject: fwd: Can this work?

>
> >
> >--
> > > Join the resistance!!!!
> > > I hear we are going to hit close to $3.00 a gallon by the summer
> > > Want gasoline prices to come
> > > down? We need to take some intelligent, united action. Phillip
> > > Hollsworth, offered this good idea:
> > > This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the "don't buy gas on a certain
> > > day" campaign that was going around last April or May! The oil
> > > companies just laughed at that because they
> > > knew we wouldn't continue to "hurt" ourselves by refusing to buy gas.
> > > It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them.
> > > BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can
> > > really work. Please read it and join with us!
> > > By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at about $1.50 is
> > > super cheap. Me too! It is currently $1.97 for regular unleaded in my
> > > town.
> > > Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned
us
> > > to think that the cost of a gallon of gas is CHEAP at $1.50- $1.75,
we
> > > need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the
> > > marketplace....not sellers. With the price of gasoline going up more
> > > each day, we consumers need to take action. The only way we are going
> > > to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the
> > > pocketbook by not purchasing their gas! And we can do that WITHOUT
> > > hurting ourselves. How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just
> > > stop buying gas. But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all
act
> > > together to force a price war.
> > >
> > > Here's the idea:
> > > For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from the
two
> > > biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and MOBIL. If they are
not
> > > selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they
> > > reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit.
> > > But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions! of Exxon
and
> > > Mobil gas buyers. It's really simple to do!! Now, don't wimp out on me
> > > at this point...keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to
reach
> > > millions of people!!
> > > I am sending this note to about thirty people. If each of you send
> > > it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300) ... and those 300 send it to
at
> > > least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000) ... and so on, by the time the
> > > message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached
> > > over THREE MILLION consumers!
> > > If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends
> > > each, then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one
> > > level further, you guessed it..... THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!!
> > > Again, all You have to do is send this to 10 people. That's all.
> > > (If you don't understand how we can reach 300 million and all you have
> > > to do is send this to 10 people.... Well, let's face it, you just
> > > aren't a mathematician. But I am ... so trust me on this one.)
> > > How long would all that take? If each of us sends this email out
to
> > > ten more people within one day of receipt, all 300 MILLION people
could
> > > conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!! I'll bet you didn't
> > > think you and I had that much potential, did you! Acting together we
> > > can make a difference. If this makes sense to you, please pass this
> > > message
> > > on.
> > > PLEASE HOLD OUT UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE $1.30 RANGE
> > > AND
> > > KEEP THEM DOWN. THIS CAN REALLY WORK.
> >
Really ! Word for word. And check the date- Apr. 15th, 2002. Too funny !

This archive...

( 9:58 AM ) sisoflexx

From Ameena

This archive...

( 9:58 AM ) sisoflexx

Todays Funny
Courtesy of Mabs

The Eulogy:

She married and had 13 children.
Her husband died.
She married again and had 7 more children.
Again, her husband died.
But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.
Alas, she finally died.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He thanked The Lord for this very loving woman and said,
"Lord, they're finally together."
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend,
"Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?"
The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."

This archive...

( 6:22 PM ) sisoflexx

Great news, Elisabeth Smart found alive today after being missing for 9 months.
It's so nice to hear of a story rounding out to a happy end.
Is it just me , or does her abductor resemble Rasputin ?
I think her parents are going to get alot of flak about hiring this creep to work on their house with 2 hotties running around. I would have thought twice, but then again, a relative or friend could've been just as likely gotten up to foul play. They're going to kick themselves, so I won't say anything more here, but they can count themselves extremely lucky it all worked out well in the end.

This archive...

( 1:07 PM ) sisoflexx

Spring is busting out alllllll oo-oove---eeeerrrr!!!

I guess I could've taken this while the sun was still up, but, there you go...

...It's still feckin' gorgeous

This archive...

( 11:41 AM ) sisoflexx

This post didn't show up from yesterday. Huh.
Anyway, as I was saying, the flowers look beautiful, but I should've taken the pic
while the sun was still up !

This archive...

( 11:35 AM ) sisoflexx

He writes about some truly weird things :
Coffee is my friend this morning. That friend that you always want to hang out with, and you say super-nice things to it because you think that that will make it want to hang out with you. And you confide in it to help build up that whole "trust" thing. And the whole experience leaves Coffee feeling a bit icky and dirty, and later on it's all talking behind your back and shit to the rest of it's friends, telling them about how Completely Fucking Needy you are, and how you should just Get A Fucking Life Already. And when you find out about it (because Cream and Sugar are your friends too) you go see Coffee (after crying a little bit), and tell it how Special it's friendship is to you, then you act like nothing ever happened.

And then you have another cup.

This archive...

( 5:27 AM ) sisoflexx

What the hell is up with blogger ?

I have to put my own break tags in ?

This archive...

( 4:45 AM ) sisoflexx

Todays Funny

Top Ten Least Popular Stephen King Novels

10. "The Man Who Died of Old Age"

9. "How Cujo Got His Groove Back"

8. "Here's Another One I Cranked Out In An Afternoon"

7. "Vacuumstarter"

6. "The Scary Windowless Corridor Next To The Oval Office"

5. "The Guy Who Accidentally Put Expired Milk In His Coffee --

He Didn't Drink It, But What If He Did?"

4. "The Scariest Part of This Book Is My Picture On The Back
Cover"

3. "Inside the Kitchen At Your Local T.G.I. Friday's"

2. "Hi I'm Your New Neighbor, Richard Simmons"

1. "Satan's Independent Prosecutor"

This archive...

( 4:44 AM ) sisoflexx

If Atheists don't believe in God...

...can they get insured for an act of god?

This archive...

( 3:28 AM ) sisoflexx

This was sent to me from Mabs, just recently back from Scotland.
I don't know its' validity, source, etc, but I think it's a great piece of work.

Message from England

No matter what your views on President Bush's statement of upcoming war, this, from an English journalist, is very interesting. Just a word of background, for those of you who aren't familiar with the UK's Daily Mirror. This is a notoriously left-wing daily that is normally not supportive of the Colonials across the Atlantic.

Tony Parsons Daily Mirror September 11, 2002

One year ago, the world witnessed a unique kind of broadcasting -- the mass murder of thousands, live on television.
As a lesson in the pitiless cruelty of the human race, September 11 was up there with Pol Pot's Mountain of Skulls in Cambodia, or the skeletal bodies stacked like garbage in the Nazi concentration camps.
An unspeakable act so cruel, so calculated and so utterly merciless that surely the world could agree on one thing - nobody deserves this fate.
Surely there could be consensus: The victims were truly innocent, the perpetrators truly evil.
But to the world's eternal shame, 9/11 is increasingly seen as America's comeuppance.
Incredibly, anti-Americanism has increased over the last year.
There has always been a simmering resentment to the USA in this country; too loud, too rich, too full of themselves, and so much happier than Europeans - but it has become an epidemic.
And it seems incredible to me. More than that, it turns my stomach.

America is this country's greatest friend and our staunchest ally. We are bonded to the US by culture, language and blood.
A little over half a century ago, around half a million Americans died for our freedoms, as well as their own. Have we forgotten so soon? And exactly a year ago, thousands of ordinary men, women and children - not just
Americans, but from dozens of countries, were butchered by a small group of religious fanatics. Are we so quick to betray them?
What touched the heart about those who died in the Twin Towers and on the planes, was that we recognized them.
Young fathers and mothers, somebody's son and somebody's daughter, husbands, wives, and children, some unborn. And these people brought it on themselves? Their nation is to blame for their meticulously planned slaughter?

These days you don't have to be some dust-encrusted nut job in Kabul or Karachi or Finsbury Park to see America as the Great Satan.
The anti-American alliance is made up of self-loathing liberals who blame the Americans for every ill in the Third World, and conservatives suffering from power-envy, bitter that the world's only superpower can do what it likes without having to ask permission.

The truth is that America has behaved with enormous
restraint since September 11.

Remember, remember -

Remember the gut-wrenching tapes of weeping men phoning their wives to say,"I love you," before they were burned alive.

Remember those people leaping to their deaths from the top of burning skyscrapers.

Remember the hundreds of firemen buried alive.
Remember the smiling face of that beautiful little girl who was on one of the planes with her mum.
Remember, remember -
And realize that America has never retaliated for 9/11 in anything like the way it could have.

So a few al-Qaeda tourists got locked without a trial in Camp X-ray? Pass the Kleenex . . .

So some Afghan wedding receptions were shot up after they merrily fired their semi-automatics in a sky full of American planes? A shame, but maybe next time they should stick to confetti.

AMERICA could have turned a large chunk of the world into a parking lot.
That it didn't is a sign of strength.
American voices are already being raised against attacking Iraq - that's what a democracy is for.
How many in the Islamic world will have a minute's silence for the slaughtered innocents of 9/11?
How many Islamic leaders will have the guts to say that the mass murder of 9/11 was an abomination?
When the news of 9/11 broke on the West Bank, those freedom-loving Palestinians were dancing in the street. America watched all of that - and didn't push the button.
We should thank the stars that America is the most powerful nation in the world. I still find it incredible that 9/11 did not provoke all-out war.
Not a "war on terrorism." A real war.
The fundamentalist dudes are talking about "opening the gates of hell," if America attacks Iraq.
Well, America could have opened the gates of hell like you wouldn't believe.

The US is the most militarily powerful nation that ever strode the face of the earth.
The campaign in Afghanistan may have been less than perfect and the planned war on Iraq may be misconceived.

But don't blame America for not bringing peace and light to these wretched countries.
How many democracies are there in the Middle East, or in the Muslim world?
You can count them on the fingers of one hand -assuming you haven't had any chopped off for minor shoplifting.
I love America, yet America is hated. I guess that makes me Bush's poodle.

But I would rather be a dog in New York City than a Prince in Riyadh.
Above all, America is hated because it is what every country wants to be - rich, free, strong, open, optimistic.
Not ground down by the past, or religion, or some caste system.
America is the best friend this country ever had and we should start remembering that.
Or do you really think the USA is the root of all evil?
Tell it to the loved ones of the men and women who leaped to their death from the burning towers.
Tell it to the nursing mothers whose husbands died on one of the hijacked planes, or were ripped apart in a collapsing skyscraper.
And tell it to the hundreds of young widows whose husbands worked for the New York Fire Department.
To our shame, George Bush gets a worse press than Saddam Hussein.
Once we were told that Saddam gassed the Kurds, tortured his own people and set up rape-camps in Kuwait.
Now we are told he likes Quality Street. Save me the orange center, Oh Mighty One!
Remember, remember, September 11 -

One of the greatest atrocities in human history was committed against America.

No, do more than remember. Never forget.

Click here to remember ! I got this site from Lex a year ago. It'll bring a tear to your eye. It takes a few minutes to download, but it's definately worth it. If a picture is worth a thousand words, this site's pictures are worth a billion !

This archive...

( 9:46 PM ) sisoflexx

I brought Jay up to date tonight thay I had seen a report that New Leads on Bin Laden from Arrest .
He asked/wondered how they were getting their information.
" Torture ", I said.
He brought up the fact that it's unconstitutional. I pointed out that's why he's (Khalid Sheikh Mohammed) is still in Pakistan, not Key West.
Then I found this on Sgt. Stryker's site :
Torture -
America admits suspects died in interrogations
American military officials acknowledged yesterday that two prisoners captured in Afghanistan in December had been killed while under interrogation at Bagram air base north of Kabul � reviving concerns that the US is resorting to torture in its treatment of Taliban fighters and suspected al-Qa'ida operatives.
A spokesman for the air base confirmed that the official cause of death of the two men was "homicide", contradicting earlier accounts that one had died of a heart attack and the other from a pulmonary embolism.

Hmmm...

This archive...

( 11:32 PM ) sisoflexx

nofeesworkathomejobs.com - Oh, really ? I thought they said no fees ?
Order Now until 3/28 promotionally priced at only $29.95 Normally this sells for $49.95! Take advantage of this limited opportunity

Click Below to Order online today by credit/debit card for only $29.95

Click Here To Order Online! Add to my cart!

Uh-huh.

This archive...

( 4:49 PM ) sisoflexx

Todays Funny

~~~~Humor For The Girls~~~~~

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This
will make you Happy tonight."
He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it
all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

*****************

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make
you the happiest woman in the world"
The woman says, "I'll miss you."

**************

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he
stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors
would
think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

*************************

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to
make love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you succeeded.

***********************

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said -That's a good idea...you stand by the ironing
board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

**********************

He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery
money I gave you?
She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

********************

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive
man?
A: A rumor

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Miracle Product

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a
box of Tampax and proceeded to the check-out counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old
are you?" "Eight" the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me.
They're for my brother, he's four. We saw on TV that if you
used these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He
can't do either one".

**************************

A Good Come-back

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket,
and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

This archive...

( 4:48 PM ) sisoflexx

Talked to Dad the night before last , he said he'd just gotten back in from walking the dog, and had reprimanded a young boy for coming out on the dog walk and not picking up after it. He said the kid told him he didn't know how to, whereas my Dad told him exactly how to.
Then he made a funny and said the kid cried he was going to get his daddy and my Dad ran back to his house and put a megaphone up to his small spaniels' muzzle and made it bark so it would sound like he had a doberman in his house.
Funny thing is, I can see this...

Mabs is out of town, in Scotland until Sun., she's looking in on her mum, who's not doing too well.
Dad told me all he's done is tests, tests, tests. Did I forget : tests?
He seemed down, and he even told me he wouldn't tell me half the stuff he thinks about, he didn't want to get me upset. I told him not to get down in the dumps, and he said it isn't that, he's just sick and tired of everything. " I'm 68 years old.."
I cut in and said, "Dad, you've got another 20 years ahead of you. "
He told me to fuck off, then said, " Great, I get 20 more years of this shit ?!"

He was telling me about another test he needed to have done, and the doc told him they needed to schedule a chest x ray.
" I had a chest x ray 2 weeks ago ! That was the 2nd in 5 months ! "
Dr. : " This is to check for something else."
Dad : " It's the same fecking chest ! I didn't form a new one over night. You'll glean the same info from that one ! "

I was peeing myself. He's the funniest person I know, bless his little cotton socks !
Hope he gets this shit behind him soon.

This archive...

( 6:16 PM ) sisoflexx

Todays' Funny
Courtesy of Ameena

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing.
He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.
He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,
Ribbit 9 Iron."
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.
Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."
He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.
Boom!
He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing.
You must be a lucky frog, eh?

The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."
The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks.

"Ribbit 3 wood."
The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one !
The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.
By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas.
" They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?"

The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette."
Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, "What do you think I should bet?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6."
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.

Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel.

He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."
The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me."

He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it.

With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

"And that, your honor, is how the girl
ended up in my room.. So help me God
or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."

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      ( 5:38 PM ) sisoflexx

Woman Offers Bush a ' Crucifixion-For-Peace Deal ' .

A New Zealand woman said on Wednesday she was willing to be crucified by President Bush if he pledges not to attack Iraq.
Mary Grierson said she had emailed the challenge to the White House and as an open letter to leading U.S. newspapers.
"Send your troops home and take me instead, on behalf of everyone in the world who does not want war and oppression," she wrote.
But the deal has a catch -- Bush would have to personally hammer in the nails.
This archive...

      ( 5:32 PM ) sisoflexx

Anti-war allies to sink Iraq vote
France, Russia and Germany have vowed not to allow the passage of a second U.N. resolution that could trigger war against Iraq.
The foreign ministers of the three countries, meeting in Paris, issued a joint statement Wednesday insisting that weapons inspectors should be given more time.

These are the last world 'powers' that need to rant. About anything.
Is this a certain need to make up for ' past ' guilts ? To make amends ? I don't know.

France is the cheap whore who got paid deux francs to lay down and spread her pox-ridden thighs for Adolph, who had one hand over her garlic reeking mouth, and was busy killing millions of Jewish people with the other.
Russia is still blinking, rubbing their eyes from the harsh glare of stepping into the 20th century. Yesterday.
In fact, today is the anniversary of Stalins' death, and hundreds of Russians mourn, crying about what a great leader he was. Sure- did you have any secret passageways leading to the back of your living quarters ?

Let the past be the past, okay, we all screw up, we're human, yes.
But don't be like a convicted pedophile who stands up and begs, " Won't somebody please think of the children ?! As far as I'm concerned, you have no right to act like you care all of a sudden.

^{Jay just corrected me about France- it was invaded . And he said I was a bit harsh. Okay, I was, I admit it.

( It still made me laugh typing it, though.)}
This archive...

      ( 5:30 PM ) sisoflexx

Rabid hyena stalks Malawi villages .
At least three people have been killed in Malawi and 16 others injured by what is believed to be a rabid hyena, health officials said Wednesday.
About 4,000 people fled their villages in the area, when word of the attacks spread. Some villagers said they feared the attacks could be the work of witchcraft.
This archive...

      ( 5:27 PM ) sisoflexx

I love it !
Tempers flare at Islamic summit:
Shut up, you monkey !!!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!
This archive...

      ( 5:23 PM ) sisoflexx

Mar. 5, 2003 An emissary from Pope John Paul II asked President Bush on Wednesday whether he was doing all he could to avert war with Iraq. Bush said removing Saddam Hussein would make the world more peaceful.

Cardinal: 'I'm here on a peace mission'

I can almost hear what GW is thinking : " This hand has diddled many a small boy in the past... I need to wash my hand immediately."

Look at his face ! Tell me I'm wrong !

You like how the pope personally went and met with Gaddam Hussein, but sends a cardinal to meet with Bush ? That's insulting !
This archive...

Mar 3, 2003
      ( 6:03 PM ) sisoflexx

Todays Funny
Courtesy of Ameena

A wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another
woman. With super-human strength borne of fury, she dragged him down the
stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed in the back yard and
put his penis in a vice. She then secured it tightly and removed the
handle. Next she picked up a hacksaw.

The husband was terrified, and screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going
to cut it off, are you?

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her
husband's hand and said, Nope. I'm going to set the shed on fire. You do
whatever you have to".

This archive...

      ( 5:59 PM ) sisoflexx

I tried paying my electric bill online last night, and realised I'd forgotten my username and password.
I hate to use the same ones on all my electronic-money-giving, for some insane reason I think it'll throw off hackers. Ha ! It took me 1/2 an hour to try different ones, then I called the 24 hour 800 number. I get a message saying customer support is only open Mon-Sat.
You know, I have an easier time getting into my online banking.
Is someone going to break in and pay my bill ? Agh !

So I sent this letter to customer support :
I need help in paying my bill online. There should be an easier method of screening customers' with a questionnaire so they can pay their bill.
Can you please e-mail me a new user id or password ?
Or do I need to call technical support, which isn't open 24 hours, 7 days a week ?
This just isn't very convenient.
Also ; did I forget where I was born ? I don't understand how paying my bill could be so impossible:

(Step 2 of 2)

Please fill in the information to log in to the system.

Upon successful match you will be asked to change your password and allowed entry to the system.

Password hint question: Where you were born?

Password hint answer: Here's a hint : I think I have an idea where I was born. I entered in the country, town, and the name of the hospital, and I was told time again that it was the incorrect answer.

Thank you for your time,

H. Taylor

They got the last laugh, though... I was so busy ranting...

I will need the address or an account number in order to access your account.

Thank You
Hilda Griggs

Damn !
This archive...

Mar 2, 2003
      ( 6:33 PM ) sisoflexx

Head on over to The Lex Files and congratulate him on his one year blog-o-versary. I'm sure he'll appreciate it.
Then...

...And now

As much as he'll appreciate these pictures, I'll bet...
This archive...

Mar 1, 2003
      ( 7:39 PM ) sisoflexx

Todays Funny
( Besides the funny " Are my testicles black ? " )

For months, Mrs. Pitzel had been nagging her husband to go with
her to the seance parlor of Madame Freda. "Milty, she's a real
gypsy, and she brings the voices of the dead from the other
world. We all talk to them! Last week, I talked with my mother,
may she rest in peace.

Milty, for twenty dollars you can talk to your zayde
(grandfather) who you misses so much!"

Milton Pitzel could not resist her appeal. At the very next
seance at Madam Freda's Seance Parlor, Milty sat under the
colored light at the green table, holding hands with the person
on each side.
All were humming, "Oooom, oooom, tonka tooom."

Madame Freda, her eyes lost in trance, was making passes over a
crystal ball. "My medium...Vashtri," she called. "Come in. Who
is that with you? Who? Mr. Pitzel? Milton Pitzel's Zayde?"

Milty swallowed the lump in his throat and called, "Grampa?
Zayde?"
"Ah, Milteleh?" a thin voice quavered.
"Yes! Yes!" cried Milty. "This is your Milty! Grandfather, are
you happy in the other world?"

"Milteleh, I am in bliss. With your bubbie together, we laugh,
we sing. We gaze upon the shining face of the Lord!" A dozen
more questions did Milty ask of his zayde, and each question did
his zayde answer, until "So now, Milteleh, I have to go. The
angels are calling. Just one more question I can answer. Ask.
Ask."

"Zayde," sighed Milty, "when did you learn to speak English?"

This archive...

      ( 7:28 PM ) sisoflexx

The Regular Guys Show
has your pro- war T's for sale :

This archive...

      ( 7:05 PM ) sisoflexx

I got these links from Inside the Mind of Jake Ortman , go check them out !

1.Unbelievable clock !

2.Pigeoncam
This archive...

      ( 6:40 PM ) sisoflexx

Promise me you'll go check this joke out at DaGoddess' Palace :

~~~ "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"~~~

Promise !!!
This archive...

      ( 6:26 PM ) sisoflexx

Lisa at work told me this crazy story :

She said one day their dog ( a boxer ) wasn't in their back yard. They went searching, and found him in their neighbors' back yard. They got him back in the yard, and her husband looked for a way the dog could have gotten out. He found a hole in the fence, which looked like it had been cut.
They put it down to teenage pranksters, and left it at that.
A week later, the dog had disappeared again. And again, it was in the same neighbors' back yard. And again, the fence had been cut. In a different spot, albeit, but the same side as the neighbors' yard the dog was retrieved from. Lisa and her husband discussed this matter in front of their son, and he piped up,
" Their ( the neighbors' ) dog was in our yard last week. "
Lisa and her husband finally saw the light.
The neighbors' dog is a boxer also. A female boxer. Lisa's is a male.
I told her, " The nerve ! "
" Exactly ," she said, " all they had to do was ask."
The neighbors are also moving next week, and I guess they thought they'd get a free litter w/ out Lisa and her hubby knowing.

Can you believe that ?
This archive...

      ( 6:25 PM ) sisoflexx

I took Morgan to the opticians today, as some asswit at school yanked his glasses off his head and broke one the arms off them. ( Or so he told me. )
I got there half an hour early, and he played his gameboy as I signed in and taled to the woman behind the desk, showed her the new frames he wanted, and asked if we could get a replacement arm for his old frames. ( Then he could have back-up glasses for the next time this happens. Yes, the next time, I know it will happen again. )
We sat there for 45 minutes, now 15 minutes past our appt., hey, it happens, I know...
I saw the previous customer come out of the office, talk with the optometrist, etc., then I saw the Dr. don his coat and wave goodbye to the receptionists' as he headed out to lunch...
I waved at the woman, caught her attention, and said, " We do still have a one o' clock appt., right ? "
She suddenly remembered, and profusely aplologising, called the doc on his cell phone and got him to come back. He looked perturbed with them, because the forgot all about us, but was very nice to Morgan, and gave him a great eye exam. He dilated his pupils, and I have to tell you, Morg looked hilarious !

Anyway, we left around 2:30, the receptionists were still apologetic, and I told them not to worry, I wasn't one of those bitchy customers, I realize crap happens. ( It does, you know ! )
Morgan and I went and shopped for clothes for him, as we're at the mall, we may as well do it now, because I hate shopping !
On our way out, we stopped at the food court to buy 2 hot dogs.
Two guys are standing there, and the hot dod dude is preparing a hot dog. I wait. And wait...
Now he's putting catsup on the damn thing. Wait.... Minute goes by... Putting onions on dog. Wait...
" Let's go, Morgan. " As we leave, I explain to Morgan that it would have taken forever, the guy didn't even acknowledge our presence, and I won't pay for that. I will walk out, every time. Besides, we had hotdogs at home.
I have patience for some things, but others just leave me angry. You know that hard lump in your stomach that you get, when you feel your ire rising ? Zen this !!!
This archive...

      ( 6:23 PM ) sisoflexx

This must be a joke...

1. AOL's spam-fighting filters block over 900 million e-mails every day.

2. Every day, AOL prevents an average of 27 unwanted e-mails per account -- that's spam that never even gets to you.

3. AOL has successfully sued more than 100 companies and individual spammers, winning court orders and damages that help put spammers out of business.

4. The number of spam messages sent over the entire Internet this year could exceed 1 trillion e-mails. (IDC Research)

5. Spam messages will cost U.S. businesses more than $10 billion this year, and $4 billion in lost productivity. (Ferris Research)

Click to see what AOL is doing to fight spam every day, and how you can join the battle.

Each day I delete at least 20 spam letters, and each day I see this notice when I log on, after I get rid of the 5 pop-ups AOL has graciously welcomed me with.
This archive...

CURRENT MOON
about the moon

Ms. Ann Thrope

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