Ms. Ann Thrope

Well, another shopping season over !

I managed to do well, I believe, considering how crappy the month started off.
I can't belive how quickly the year has flown by. I guess the older you get, the less 365 days seem.
When I'm at work, I keep myself busy, I'm not one of the ' clock ' watchers, and the day seems to usually fly by. Not all days, but most. Therefore, the weekend is here before I know it. Of course, the weekends don't seem to be long enough by far !
So, another year is coming to an end.
One thing I'm looking forward to is seeing my Dad and Marba. I used to see them once every other month when I lived closer, but now I'm 13 hours away instead of 4. I just hope the weather is lovely for travel.

Braylen talks about shopping for himself all year, ( and not needing to get anything form anyone else ) and I commented that we do the same. Jay was exasperated when I came home a few weeks ago and pulled the Pirates of the Carribean movie out of a shopping bag. He reminded me that xmas was close, and I pointed out that through the year we get what we want all the time. ( Then I end up stammering when I'm asked what I want for xmas." Uhh, I dunno ".)
My Mum and Marba point out that we're buying ' shite ', and need to put our money into savings. And all along I knew they were right, but this past month has shown me the light. There are rainy days, and I need to put aside for them. There are also the things we need to save up for , like a down payment for a new vehicle, a screened - in - porch, a tv that's not 14 years old and 19 inches of viewing pleasure , for instance. The times when I've accidentally rented a letterbox version seemed like we were, well, peeking through a letterbox into someone's livingroom, trying to watch their movie.

And we don't work from paycheck to paycheck. The past few years have been really good for us in that aspect, but when you have nothing to show for it (say, a 36-inch screen ? ) then it's time to wake up.

Anyhoo, I don't make New Years' resolutions, for the fact that they are good for New Years day, and that's about all they're good for. I will be making a big change in our financial upkeep from now on. One thing I've done, for instance, is take brothers advice on renting movies from NetFlix. I used to be bad about buying movies, whether I'd seen them or not and knew I liked them, rather than adding to my collection of movies I knew were keepers. So I became a good girl and started renting them, but that is still expensive. And the video store is way out of the way. If they had a Hollywood Video store closer, I'd be worse, I'd be there every other day. ( They have Blockbuster stores closer, but I've refused to go to one after they called us a week after I'd returned a movie, claiming it was late. I told them I'd returned it, and they said they'd look. They called a few weeks later, thanking me for returning it, and I now owed $16.50. Then there was a debt collector writing to me. That was over 5 years ago. Can you imagine the money they could have made off of me in that time ? Enough said. )
Back to NetFlix - you can rent 3 movies at a time, and there's no time limit, the DVDs you choose online come in the mail, you watch them, put them back in an envelope, and mail ( free ) them back. When they get a movie back, they send the next one on your list. I just started, as they had a free trial ( 2 weeks ) but I've sent 2 back on Monday, and just received another in the mail today. That was quick. For $20 a month, it's a bargain for me !
Enough of my commercial, I'll write more later.

This archive...

( 4:44 PM ) sisoflexx

Todays Funny

The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer, Ph.D., for the Journal of Court Reporting.

* By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

*Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

*The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to his feet.

*On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

*She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

*The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

*I will be happy to go into her GI system; she seems ready and anxious.

*Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.

*The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

*Discharge status: Alive but without permission. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.

*Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

*The patient refused an autopsy.

*The patient has no past history of suicides.

*The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

*Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

*Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.

*The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

*She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

*The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.

*The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.

This archive...

( 5:00 PM ) sisoflexx

Todays Funny

Johnny had just received his brand new drivers license. The family goes out to the driveway and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the new driver.

"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to the his dad.

"Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years!"

This archive...

( 9:00 AM ) sisoflexx

Since I have no original thoughts of my own, I'm going to ride Red's coat tails to glory :

Eric wrote about the walks he's taken through Scotland, and I thought I'd post a few pics of our treks through some of the eastern territory. The pictures don't do the country justice, but they're close enough !

These are pictures taken in Sutherland, on the east coast of Scotland, in/near the town of Golspie.
My Mum's mother and her sisters were raised here.

Picnic at the seashore

Eric reminded me of picnics, which often happened to occur right where we were situated, at the time. Here we are on the seaside in Golspie. We always had a cooler full of food, with which we'd make cheese butties, and eat hard-boiled eggs . Ahh ! Living rough in the wild !
A healthy hike thru the heelans'

Here's Auntie Ruby and Mum helping Auntie Milly up, while Morgan I stand in the foreground, being useless, but having a good laugh.
The roofless house in the background is the home where Auntie Rubs and Milly were raised as small girls. It's named "my Grannys' Heelan' Hame " ( after a song ) In other words, " My Grannys' Highland Home ".

Here's a close up of the old house. My bedroom is bigger than this house, which was one room. I asked the Aunties where they went to the bathroom, to which they replied, " Outside ! We wiped our backsides with a dock leaf . "
It makes you appreciate what you have, all the more.

This is an Iron Age broch, called - Cairn Liath broch
. It's a settlement on the coast used to watch for coastal invaders, and to live in, obviously.
The mountain ( yes, mountain ) in the background is Ben Bhraggie, of which a statue of Duke of Sutherland (Ben Bhraggie Monument) is erected. There was alot of controversy back in the 90's ( and still ongoing) trying to get the statue removed :

Should the Duke of Sutherland Remain?: "In 1994, Sandy Lindsay of Inverness, Scotland, proposed that the Statue of the Duke of Sutherland be removed from its lofty perch on Ben Bhraggie, in Golspie, Sutherland(shire). He appealed to the descendants of the Highland Scots who were driven off their lands by agents of the Duke of Sutherland, often with their houses burned over their heads.

It was the time of the Clearances; the Marquis of Stafford, by marriage the Duke of Sutherland at the time, allowed his own clansfolk to be cruelly forced away from their homes to seek a scanty living fishing in the most treacherous waters Scotland has to offer, to the slums of Glasgow and Edinburgh, or across the oceans to (now) Canada and USA, New Zealand and Australia.

If the ships on which they sailed (often more crowded and in poorer condition than the slave ships out of Africa) did not sink to the bottom of the ocean, they faced privation and hardship in establishing new homes in a very unfamiliar land. "

Yes, there was alot of hiking involved on this trip !
In the backgound, is Ben Bhraggie again !

This archive...

( 7:24 AM ) sisoflexx

Queer Eye For The Deposed Dictator Guy

Courtsey of Mabs

This archive...

( 5:59 PM ) sisoflexx

I was just relating to my Mum the story of our adventure last night, and told her, " I should be writing this down. "

So I am.

It starts off with the boy and myself getting ready for beddies, and I was sitting on the can and poof ! the lights went out. I heard Morg fumbling around in his room, and he came out into the hall, in front of the bathroom door. " Mom ? Where are you ? I can't see a thing !"
I opened the bathroom door, telling him, " I know what you mean."
I felt for my lighter and flicked my Bic, in the process, giving Morg a sweet view of the queen on her throne.
" AARRGGggghhhh! ! " he yelled, sheilding his eyes.
I took pity on his poor eyes and put the lighter back down on the table, and completed my absorbing encounter sans light. Morg told me the power was on across the street, and at first I had a bad feeling someone ( me ) forgot to pay the power bill.
I came out with the hot lighter in my hands, and Morg followed me out into the livingroom, ( the house across the lake a half mile away had power, the ones across the street from us didn't , I pointed out to M.) where there's an abundance of candles . ( Jays ) I lit a few, then called Jay at work to ask what to do with the woodburning furnace in the basement.
He told me to shut it off, and that he'd call the power company to alert them the power was out.

Well, the funny part of the story is that the boy and I were looking for a flashlight, as I couldn't find the one I keep next to the front door. I took a little candle down the basement stairs, with Morg following close behind, as he didn't want to be left alone. He asked me why I wasn't scared, and I replied it was probably because he was with me. It's easier when you're not alone. That, and someone had to be the damn adult around here !
So, I'm skulking around the basement, shutting off the furnace with hot candle wax dripping on my knuckles, and we find a flashlight, but it's dead. Up the stairs we go, with Morg telling me he had batteries in his room. Alas, no D batteries, only AA for gameboy play.

We went back out to the living room, and sat and talked for a few minutes, talking about how I was going to wake him up in the morning, since he couldn't set his alarm, when he reminded me he was out of school on Friday. ( Lucky devil ! )
As I sat there, my eyes wandered in the minimal light, I spied a familiar shape, right there on the coffee table --- I reached out and grabbed it :

A freakin' flashlight !

This archive...

( 5:10 PM ) sisoflexx

"The jury on Thursday found Malvo, 18, guilty of killing Franklin, a 47-year-old FBI analyst, outside a Virginia hardware store during a shooting spree that killed 10 people in and around Washington, D.C., last year."

Okay, as times marches on, most who've heard this story may have become hardened to it . Here's something that hits a little closer to home. Imagine it's your mom, your spouse :

"Franklin's husband, William Franklin, was standing next to her when she was gunned down and the prosecution played for the court a recording of the panicked 911 call he made immediately afterward.
Franklin's voice was so high-pitched that the operator addressed him as 'ma'am' several times and struggled to understand him through his sobs and ragged breathing. "

I couldn't even begin to imagine myself in that position were it any member of my family, let alone being there to witness it happen.

This archive...

( 5:05 PM ) sisoflexx

I screwed up trying to save the pic ( no suprise ! ), but you can see it
here.
Supposedly, there's a capture of a ghosts' image on film at Hampton Court Palace, where Henry VIII resided.

"In the still photograph, the figure of a man in a robe-like garment is shown stepping from the shadowy doorway, one arm reaching out for the door handle.
The area around the man is somewhat blurred, and his face appears unnaturally white compared with his outstretched hand.
'It was incredibly spooky because the face just didn't look human,' said James Faukes, one of the palace security guards.
'My first reaction was that someone was having a laugh, so I asked my colleagues to take a look. We spoke to our costumed guides, but they don't own a costume like that worn by the figure. It is actually quite unnerving,' Faukes said."

To me, ( and I'm opened minded ), it could've been a hobo, for all I know...

This archive...

( 4:00 PM ) sisoflexx

Another addition to my links on the right. It's called " The Best Page In The Universe ", and I'm inclined to agree.
Reading these pages has made me laugh so hard, I've got tears in my eyes.
He definately has some views that are right on the mark.
Here's an excerpt from 'Take your X-TREME marketing and shove it.'

"I bought the X-TREME Soynut bar and took it home to try it out, because I bet people who snowboard and bungee jump live off of X-TREME Soynut bars and Mountain Dew (Mountain Dew is by far the most X-TREME brand of sugar water). When I got home, I anxiously opened the package, stepped back a few feet, and waited for the bar to back flip off of the table and jump into my mouth. The bar just sat there. I couldn't understand: the packaging said 'X-TREME' but the Soynut bar seemed incapable of mountain biking. Thinking that I got a defective bar, I moved onto the Jello. I opened the package and waited for the jello to kick me in the face and force its way down my throat. Alas, nothing. It just sat there, almost as if I bought a non-X-TREME brand of product: the plain old nerdy kind of food that you can eat without cruising on a skateboard. Damndest thing, because the package clearly indicates a significant amount of TOTALLY AWESOME attitude.
I felt ripped off, so in an effort to salvage the money I wasted on this bullshit, I ate six cups of jello, one bag of corn nuts, a Soynut bar, and a bag of jelly beans for dinner. The only thing X-TREME about this experience was the X-TREME dump I took later that night: "

It made me laugh, and that's all that matters !

This archive...

( 3:14 PM ) sisoflexx

Braylen has a great post about service technicians.
Remember how pissed you get at the computer nerd on the other end of the phone line, when you're trying to fix your problem ?
Think of how it must be for them at times !

'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
'I can't reach.'
'Well, can you see if it is?'
'No.'
'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'
'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's dark.'
'Dark?'
'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'
'Well, turn on the office light then.'
'I can't.'
'No? Why not?'
'Because there's a power failure.'

There's more to this story, and I didn't want to post it because it spoils the reason for links, but I know how lazy some of us are, and I want you to know the end of this situation, so I'll just out and out rob and rape here :

"A power.......a power failure?.... Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer."

Courtesy of Mad World

This archive...

( 11:11 PM ) sisoflexx

With xmas coming up, you should
Vote for your fave !

Courtesy of Mabs

I have a bad feeling ' Sorority Slut ' is going to make the grade...

This archive...

( 11:03 PM ) sisoflexx

Great holiday pic

Courtesy of Mabs

This archive...

( 8:42 AM ) sisoflexx

All I can say, is "wow".

I didn't expect this when I got up this morning !

Saddam Captured in Tikrit, disguised and dusty TIKRIT, Iraq (Dec. 14) - U.S. troops captured Saddam Hussein near his home town of Tikrit in a major coup for Washington's beleaguered occupation force in Iraq. 'Ladies and gentlemen,we got him,' the U.S. administrator in Iraq Paul Bremer said on Sunday in his first, pithy comments to a Baghdad news conference. Cheers greeted the announcement.

This archive...

( 8:45 PM ) sisoflexx

Why We Love Children

1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.

( I told Ameena " Thanks, a nice dead cat joke !" )

"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.

You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it

didn't move."

2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"

"No, You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"

I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"

Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."

"WHAT!"

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said,

"Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
a mother was tucking her son into bed.
She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."

5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,

"That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"

The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,

"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."

6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.

She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"

I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."

"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"

7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,

"Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.

Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class,
"And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said,
"I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
"I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"

She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"

Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
"If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"

11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut,
eating a snack cake The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."

She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."

Courtesy of heartless, bringer of dead cat jokes, Ameena

This archive...

( 8:09 PM ) sisoflexx

Where the hell

was this

when I was out at the mall today ?

Shoppers in central Berlin on Friday were treated to the sight of scantily-clad live shop window 'dummies' flexing their muscles and baring their buttocks in a publicity stunt for men's underwear.

IHe sure as hell wasn't in Gainesville, Jawja !

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( 8:05 PM ) sisoflexx

I know it's rough , guys, but, cummon !

The top U.S. general in Iraq said on Saturday he would rethink the Iraqi army pay structure after a wave of recruits quit the new force over low salaries.

"Lieutenant-General Ricardo Sanchez acknowledged soldiers who quit over salaries of $150 monthly for senior officers may have a legitimate grievance.

'We're in the process of reviewing the pay scales to determine what needs to be done there to ensure that they have a decent standard of living,' he told reporters in Baghdad. "

I barely made $400 a month when I was a new recruit. And I would think America has a higher standard of living.
How much, exactly, were they making a month in their life before Saddam was ousted, I'd like to know ?

The remarks reflect the depth of transatlantic bitterness over Iraq following a Pentagon decision to limit $18.6 billion in Iraq reconstruction contracts to countries that backed the United States, freezing out the likes of Germany, France and China.

I would feel grateful that another country has gone into debt to give a hand.
Do they think there aren't going to be cutbacks and budgets for reparations to build their new country ? Shouldn't the country help to repay that debt ?
And I have to question the loyalty of the majority ( not all ) in the first place.
So you get paid crap for a few years, like I did, first starting out.

This archive...

( 7:43 PM ) sisoflexx

This is some fluff piece on a new Nicole Kidman movie:

"Blood from the hog's carefully slit throat drips into a cauldron. Flames lick at the animal's flesh, and Jude Law is scraping the charred skin with a knife. Natalie Portman stands on the cabin's porch, her nose crinkled and her eyes squinting at the sight.

I just thought this was a humorous quote :

''It's a good reminder of why I'm a vegetarian,'' Portman says. ''Jude and I both won some PETA award last year for being, like, famous vegetarians."

Queen Amadalia, my ass. The Federation is screwed!

This archive...

( 7:51 AM ) sisoflexx

Acidman has some new pics from BlogFest 2003 up at his site.

Don't look at the first one !

This archive...

( 7:36 AM ) sisoflexx

I've got chores to do, and by chores, I mean errands.
I have to pick up a FedEx package, which for the past 2 days hasn't been left on the porch like I specified. No wonder they had a rep spend 7 years on a deserted island through negligence.

I've also got to get new shoes for the boy, and pick up a few prezzies, so that means putting myself in danger at the mall with all the holiday shoppers.

I hate shopping so much, I'd rather clean the house. That tells you how much I dislike mall hopping.

Then I've got to pick Morg's bud for a sleepover, so I'll be out for a while.

Fun, fun fun !

This archive...

( 7:31 AM ) sisoflexx

Todays Funny ( Keeping in the xmas spirit )

The phone rings ((( ring )))
((((((((((( ring-g-g-g-g)))))))))))

***pick up***
"Hello?"

"Hi, honey, this is Daddy .... Is your Mommy near the phone?"

"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank," After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"
"Oh Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now!"

"Uh, Okay, then ... here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy and Uncle Frank that Daddy's car's just pulled up outside the house."

"Okay, Daddy!"
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.
"Well,I did what you said, Daddy."

"And what happened?" he asks.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went flying out the front window and now she's all dead."

"Oh my God!!!!! And what about your Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool ... but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's all real dead too."

***long pause***

Then Daddy says,
"Swimming pool???? Is this 555-7039?"

courtesy of Ameena

This archive...

( 6:42 PM ) sisoflexx

When it rains, it pours...

...or, bad luck, it comes in threes !

Bullshit. I just had number 5 and 6.
And on the same day !

Let me go through 1 - 3 first, nearer the beginning of the month of December :

1. Spaz ( the cat ) got sick, which is one of those things pet owners go through, that's par for the course. But the $500 bill is a bit of a let down, especially when you're thinking of all these great gifts you had in mind. ( And no, I wasn't even going to spend $200, let alone $ 500, just so you know the extent of my budget, or lack of ! )
Oh well, you don't need the great gifts, it's the thought that counts, right ?

2. Spaz gets very sick, enough to where she's dying in front of our eyes. We decide to end her life humanely. This blow isn't monetary, but it's one of the worst blows ever . One that you don't get over too soon.

3. Jay had reminded me to pay a bill, due this week. " Not much, $50 or so." he said.
Well, the other night I picked up the bill and noticed there were 2 pages. 2 bills. I won't go into the amount, other than it's astronomical to us, and it sends this burning , shooting pain up my right arm when I think about it.
Well, it's just going to be late, of course, we can't cancel xmas for my son. And the family and friends will understand that homemade gifts are the ones that show you really care !

I know, I know, it could be worse, and believe me, I've been through worse. I think it's just the 'one right after the other ' motif that seems to be decorating me right now. Okay - onto # 4 !

4. At work I noticed a big red spot on my right eye, just right to the retina. I wear contacts, so I wouldn't be surprised if that's what caused it. Thing is, it doesn't hurt. Maybe that's even worse. Anyway, as soon as I got home I took them out and put my owl eye - huge as shit - 80's reject - square pegs glasses on.
So what if the lens prescription is over 5 years old, and the bridge is super-glued together from when I snapped it in two a year ago ? I can still see. It's not the most flattering thing to have on your face ( try Jays ass ), but it's not like I'm trying to be hot. Some might say I'm going in the other direction.
That's beside the point. All I saw was more money for new lenses being the least serious of the problem, while the more serious problem would be more money for an exam , ( which I last had in August ) to find out it's a tumor, which at this point in the day I guess I really wouldn't be shocked, believe me. I suppose the glasses will just have to do for a couple of months, I can deal with it.

Anyways, that was 2 days ago, and the redness is clearing, so hopefully that's that.

5. We knew with a roadtrip coming up that we'd need to take the car in, that's a given, seeing as I knew some of the tires are worn, it needs a front end alignment , ( for the past month I've been driving down straight stretches of road with my steering wheel turned at quarter to nine instead of noon ) and an oil change, to boot. That was an expense I also wasn't looking forward to, but it wasn't unforseen. What was unforseen (but not a shock ) was getting 5 minutes from home at 6 : 30 o'dark this morning and hearing the melody of rubber slapping wheel well continously. That tune sucks. I pull over into a cow pasture gate way and sit there, knowing that Jay's just crawled into his lovely warm bed, and thought, "thank goodness for cell phones !"
He answers the 2nd time I call, and says he's on his way. Just as he gets there, the man that lives across the street comes out and tells us to pull in his drive , then goes about helping us change the tire. ( by 'us', I mean the Jay 'us' )
The lugnuts were so tight, that Jay bent the lugwrench into an unusual shape. So it was lucky that guy ( named Andy ) helped us, as he had one in his shop.
I asked why Jay wasn't wearing his coat, then when he explained he didn't think of it, I pointed out that I was wearing it.

So, to end the story of #5, I took the car in and found out I had to replace all four tires, and of course, I knew my friends and family wouldn't mind a $1 scratch off lotto ticket each.

6. I came home, got in the door, and Jay called to me from upstairs ( lazy ass still in bed ) and when I got to him he seemed a little upset, as he was just coming out of a nightmare.
" You were leaving me."
" How did you find out ? " I ask jokingly.
" We were at this party, and this guy led you away by the hand, and off you went, and sat at his table. I couldn't believe it."
I sniggered quietly .
" Then you took off your shirt , " ( I look bewildered ) " you had another shirt on underneath, ( that's more like it, I think ) and I realised all of a sudden, ' she's leaving me ! ' "
I told him how silly he was, but he continued. " Then I had to leave to go to work, and it was at a gas station..."
" Now I am going to leave you ! " I laughed.
" ...then my Dad was there, and he turned into Mr. Spock..."

You get the idea. As he finished with telling me how he heard me come in the door, and realized I hadn't left him ,and he knew it was all a bad dream, I took off my glasses and stated cleaning them on my shirt. Suddenly, there was a snap ! and I had two pieces of my glasses in my hands.
I looked down at my hands in shock, and Jay started ~~guffawing~~
( okay, laughing uproarously )doing a perfect impression of Bill Paxton in Aliens : " That's it ! Xmas is cancelled ! We're screwed !!!"
And I threw the pieces of eyeglasses on the bed and fell to my knees laughing too, putting my head on the quilt, except I started to sob at the same time.
So I put an end to the boo hoo bit and let the laughter win.
I wiped my tears and told Jay I'd go glue my glasses again.

And friends and family will have to bloody well make do with a good wish and a kiss, won't they ? !

This archive...

( 6:33 PM ) sisoflexx

Todays Funnys

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.

Ahead of him is a guy who`s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I`m Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it`s the minister`s turn.
He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary`s for the last forty-three years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

And this from an enigmatic mind:

12 Days of Christmas

December 14th
Dearest John:
I went to the door today, and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear
tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn�t have been more surprised
With dearest love and Affection, Agnes

-----------------------------

December 15th
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle
doves....I�m just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just
adorable.
All my love, Agnes

-------------------------

December 16th
Dear John:
Oh, aren�t you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don�t deserve
such generosity. Three French hens. They are just darling but I must
insist....you�re just too kind.
Love Agnes

----------------

December 17th
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are
beautiful, but don�t you think enough is enough? You�re being too
romantic.
Affectionately, Agnes

----------------------------

December 18th
Dearest John:
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for
each finger. You�re just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, John, all
those squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love, Agnes

--------------------

December 19th
Dear John:
When I opened the door, there were actually six geese a-laying on my front
steps. So you�re back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge.
Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can�t
sleep through the racket. PLEASE STOP!
Cordially, Agnes

----------------------

December 20th
John:
What�s up with you and those fucking birds????
Seven swans a-swimming. What kind of goddam joke is this? There�s bird
shit all over the house and they never stop the racket. I�m a nervous
wreck and I can�t sleep all night. IT�S NOT FUNNY.............so stop
with those f**king birds.
Sincerely, Agnes

----------------------

December 21st
OK Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with eight
maids a-milking? It�s not enough with all those birds and eight maids
a-milking, but they had to bring their own goddam cows. Just lay off me.
SMART ASS.
Ag.

--------------------

December 22nd
Hey Shithead:
What are you? Some sort of sadist? Now there�s nine pipers playing.
And Christ - do they play. They never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are upset and are stepping all
over those screeching birds. No wonder they screech. What am I going to
do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me. You�ll get yours.
From Ag

-------------------------

December 23rd
You Rotten Prick:
Now there�s ten ladies dancing - I don�t know why I call those sluts
ladies. They�ve been balling those nine pipers all night long. Now those
cows can�t sleep and they�ve got diarrhea. My living room is a river of
shit. The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why
the building shouldn�t be condemned. I�m sticking the police on you.
One who means it, Ag

----------------------------

December 24th
Listen F**khead:
What�s with he eleven lords a-leaping on those maids and aforementioned
"ladies"? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran
through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All 234
of the birds are dead. They have been trampled to death in the orgy. I
hope you�re

Ms. Ann Thrope

Fodder of sisoflexx

Soft Scorn

Merry Xmas !!!